People Who Need The Weed November 10, 2017 – Posted in: Lifestyle, Uncategorized – Tags: , , , , , , , ,

People Who Need To Get High (ASAP)

By Bud Flowers

Do you ever look at someone and think, “this motherf***er would be so much cooler/nicer/less of an ass hat if they just smoked a big joint and let the healing powers of the green goddess wash over them”? You’re a liar if your answer is no. I can think of 20 people off the top of my head. I’ll keep the list short and just name 5 to start.

1. Donald Trump

I’m still in awe that the greatest, most powerful country on earth voted in a Cheetoh-skinned reality television star to the office of President. Unreal. It really gives me hope that I truly can be almost anything if I put my mind to it (and if I were rich first). This wrinkly old fool has said and Tweeted some really hateful stuff. It literally ‘trumps’ the hatred of a 9-year-old’s temper tantrum at their own birthday party when another kid licks the icing on their cake before they can. The man’s vitriol is unrivaled. What he needs is a fat dose of some mind-blowing indica to knock him on his old behind, and hold a metaphorical mirror to his soul. Once he’s taken that ride, I’d also recommend a long peyote trip near the Joshua Tree. One step at a time

2. Bill O’Reilly

I hate this man. I don’t even know if he’s real or fake. Every time he opens his mouth I feel sad for humanity. He has said some of the most ridiculous and unapologetic things that should never be repeated. This man is so crooked, he has to have Fox News interns screw his shirt on for him each morning. In the era of sexual harassment, this lowlife has a clause in his contract that virtually allows him to sexually harass women. Don’t believe me? Here you go: . If anyone needs to be locked in a gas chamber filled with ganja smoke, it’s this living piece of garbage.

3. Kim Jong-un

The super duper undisputed Supreme Leader of the hungriest country on earth needs weed like I need a vacation. He is ignorant in every sense of the word. Any media related to him makes him seem like a child that is discovering something for the first time. “Oh wow, a tank!” “Oh gee, a mass execution!” There is nothing appealing about this chubby halfwit.  To make matters worse, he holds the fate of the Pacific seaboard in the palm of his hand. One slight misstep or angry tirade could have extremely fatal consequences for Asia. This young fool definitely needs something to take the edge off. Maybe he’d start listening to Pink Floyd in a bean bag chair, and begin questioning his role in the universe. One can only hope.

4. The Dalai Lama

Yes I said it. His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, aka Tenzin Gyatso. He needs to smoke a joint. I’m not a fan of his smugness. He talks a lot about peace and love and enlightenment, but I’m suspicious. To be fair, he didn’t ask for this. He was chosen by a group of High Lamas as the reincarnation of the Dalai Lama. Imagine how important you must feel when everyone is telling you that you have been reborn as a great religious leader? Talk about faking it till you make it. I want him to smoke a joint and then come out telling the world that he’s a big fake. He’s just a guy who is slightly more enlightened than dicks like me. Or maybe he isn’t?

5. My ex girlfriend

I’m thinking of making it a rule that I won’t date anyone (or trust anyone for that matter) who has never smoked a joint. It is a hard no for me if I meet a chick who hasn’t smoked a joint in her life. My ex is one of those people. If I made the slightest mistake in our relationship, she’d be on my ass, blaming my ‘drug problem’ as the reason why I made the mistake. I can’t handle people like her who are quick to pass judgment without even trying something first. As they say, ‘don’t knock it till you try it.’ If she’s reading this, I hope she’s changed her stance on the  matter. If anyone needed a joint to help them with self reflection, it’s her. She sucked. 

Check out some of our other blog posts, like Convince Your Parents To Grow Pot

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